The reality of child abuse (may trigger)

I am feeling very angry and lost today. I feel like life has lost its impact.
I am angry because I wake up after nights of not sleeping well. After nights of dreaming of ritual child sex abuse that I am part of. I wake up with a screaming head ache from clenching my teeth all night. I spend my days living is some dissociated dream where I feel disconnected from the world around me. I am confused at the life I have lived and how I got this way. I am SO VERY VERY ANGRY at the selfish bastards who did this to me. Is their life this way! I hate them, I want to scream at them, I want to hurt them!! I want them to know my pain! I want them to know what it is like to NEVER feel safe, to always hate who you are and what you have become. To always feel numb and somehow alone in a world of people. To feel there is an allusive life you have lived, in which you were brutally raped and murdered. That you can not remember and spend every day both trying to find and forget. I hate being this way. I don't want  to hide their secrets. They were not good men, and the world should know.
But no one wants to hear. "These are not the things we talk of". "Shhh, we know it wasn't good but it wasn't that bad surely". " I think you must be exaggerating".

Just so you know, I have NEVER even come close to exaggerating what happened to me. I have never even told the whole story. I am not sure that you as an adult could even handle the truth if I told it.
It is something we do not like to discuss in our society, we pretend it doesn't happen. "yes children get hurt but it cant be THAT bad." "Those sorts of people don't exist do they? surely not!" Those statements are merely calling me a liar and that my truth has no value.

The reality is that today, right now, as you are reading this, adults are doing to children, things that you could not even imagine. Things so invasive so abusive, that if it happened to you as an adult, you would never be the same.
Maybe it is time we faced to truth. Children are raped and beaten every day, and they will never fully recover from the damage it will have on their lives. Many will not live to adulthood, and those that do will fight to survive.
Listen when they tell you, believe them when they say these things. They are not evil children, they live in an evil world. We as adults are the only hope they have for safety and life. Please listen of they reach out to you. You may be all they have.