Welcome to my Blog.

These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

30 June, 2012

Please dont be so nice to me.

I have been born with stubborn unruly frizzy curly hair. I have spent most of my life fighting and hating it. About 2years ago I had the available funds to get it permanently straightened. I was in love. for nearly 2 years I have had hair I can brush and style. Hair that moves and flicks back off my shoulders. (those of you with curly hair will I am sure know where I am coming from.) Due to my current employment situation, i.e. being on the pension, I can no longer afford this expensive treatment. I was faced with the reality of going back to the hair I dreaded.
 Trust me this going somewhere, it is not just a whinge about my hair.
A friend convinced me to come into her salon and that together we could come up with a style that I would love. Up to now this is a relatively simple discussion on hair. But from here it is were it gets interesting. As a multiple, there were many voices wanting input on the change. The general consensus was that we had little choice so lets go for it. Some of us have curly hair so it seemed right that the body did too, others of us have straight so that was better. Ultimately money had to win.
I went in yesterday and got it done. Now as you may know, physical touching can be a problem for multiples, so a hair cut can be fraught with difficulty. We were prepared and had gone there with the right alter/alters forward to make us feel safe and protected. If we are prepared it is often not too much of a big deal.
The hair dressing went well, although quite a change from what we have had for hair in quite a while. (This alone is going to take some of us quite a while for some of us to adjust to).
Then it happened. My friend, being a caring person she is, was nice to me. I mean really nice. In the busy salon she took time to come close to me and tell me how I needed to take care of myself and spend time on me. That I had been though a lot ( she has no idea of my DID or trauma history) and that I deserved some special treatment. It was very sweet of her and very thoughtful.
It was also devastating on my system. We were not prepared for that. Physical contact AND being nice to me. That was more than I could cope with. By the time I reached my car everyone inside was screaming. We really needed time alone, and everyone wanted to head home to try and deal with it all. I was desperate to get to Bridges and knew if I went home I would never make it there on time. So I drove on the Bridges, fighting the very strong urge to dissociate and or go to sleep. By the time I reached Bridges I was a bit of a mess. My hands were shaking, my head was a mess of confused talking and I felt light headed and tired. Fortunately this behaviour is nothing new in Bridges and I had plenty of time to relax in the group until I felt better.
By the time I left I was much more stable but still a bit drained. When I got home I headed to bed for a rest and an early nights sleep. This morning I was up, at a reasonable time to take my son to work and the dog for a walk. By midday I was home and still feeling like I had been hit by a bus. I got back into bed and slept for 5 hours.
I still feel a bit average, and expect I will be in bed early again tonight.
The long and the short of this whole thing is that, it is the unexpected little things that can throw us multiples into chaos. Simple caring words, have knocked me out for 2 days. I am not saying you should never be nice to a multiple, that is silly, You may never know when it is a good time to say stuff. This is merely and insight into how I and many multiples work.

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