Welcome to my Blog.

These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

28 June, 2012

I just can't do it.

I have had a fun day so far today, and I wanted to share my multiple experience with you today. As you probablly already know we all have parts. The part of us all that works, the part that does the house work, the part that does the hobby, and in singletons those parts can mix and mingle and change amoungst each other without too much bother.
With Multiples it is quite different. Today I attended my first Doll making social group. I was quite nervous about it, but ended up having a great time. I left the group feeling happy and very social as I had enjoyed meeting the other ladies and sharing ideas about doll making. I decided to head down the beach to have some lunch and go for a walk on the jetty while I made the most of the elated mood I was in. I felt confident and happy. After my walk and lunch I headed home. Driving was difficult as my eyes seemed suddenly very short sighted and I had left my glasses at home. Part way home I switched alters and I could see better but still not brilliantly. Once I got home I ofcourse had home things to do and think about, the only problem was that the doll group alter couldnt do these things. I couldn't focus well and my mind was stuck on the group. As I tryed to get on with the simplest things at home, the alter just kept saying 'I can't do it, I can't do it". She was not able to do the home things at all eventually we switched, and now I am in home mode. I am able to go on the computer and type this, I am able to deal with cleaning up some mess, but I have lost that confident happy feeling I had before.
It is this that makes one of the big diferences between multiples and singletons. Each alter serves a function and outside of that they cannot do any thing much else. It sounds silly but they do not have the ablity to do even the simple things like cleaning. We do not go between functions well and we much switch between alters to achieve tasks other achieve without thought. As that switching happens, memories can be lost and moods and emotions change. We cant always switch back unless we are in the same situation that brought that alter out in the first place. i.e. I would probably have to go back to doll group or think about it for a while to bring that alter back to the front.
All of this just because we changd activity. It can get so complicating and confusing. It can also get frustrating when you go from an elated mood to a more depressed mood.

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