Welcome to my Blog.

These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

23 September, 2011

How smart are we?

I admit I am posting on this topic because my friend Sarah started me thinking because of her post on her blog.

Intelligence, high IQ, smart. There are definite advantages in life to being smarter, more intelligent. But it is not the only factor in life that determines success. I have actually had my IQ tested many years ago and it was found that I did score very high in many areas. So yes I am classed as intelligent. Does that make me an instant success? Does that mean I am exempt from the hardships in life? NO!
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder and I am quite high functioning. I am able to work part time and run a household with several young males in it. To talk to me, I appear a confident capable woman, and to a degree I am.
This however does not prevent me from suffering the same mental illness problems as everyone else.
I have had Depression for most of my life and have been medicated for it for over 10years now.  My Doctor says I may never be able to come off my medication as my body may never be able to make the serotonin I need to stabilize my mood. ( I do maintain an unhealthy self medication of chocolate to help with the lighter stresses and symptoms. lol)
My high IQ does not help me in anyway in dealing with this illness. On the contrary, sometimes I make it worse, as I as am inclined to expect more of myself and push myself harder. I expect I should be able to do more.
But the one that hurts the most and I find most frustrating is..."isn't it good you are so intelligent so that you can cope so well and deal with your DID" Why do i find that so hard? Because DID is caused by trauma. If my life had been without serious trauma at such a young age and I had not had to survive by Dissociating to such an extent, I could now be just about anything. A Doctor, lawyer, maybe even the Psychologist I had wanted to be.
There are positives and negatives to every situation and I am by no means sitting here having a pity party. There are many far worse off than I. But please remember, we all equal, my intelligence doesn't save me from these things, and in some cases may make things worse.
We all need a friend and a shoulder to lean on, and just because we may appear to be coping on the out side, doesn't mean we are coping inside. We all have out hardships and we all suffer pain, and to us what we have been through is big for us.

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