Most of us see denial as the enemy to healing. It seems that we can't heal unless we face what happened to us, and to a degree this is very true. But denial has a purpose too, as I discovered yesterday while reading 'The courage to Heal' by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. (quoted below) It is not any easy book to get through in the healing process, but it is highly recommended.
Survivors can go to great lengths to deny what happened to them. We can pass it off as a dream, or minimize its affect on us by saying, 'it wasn't much and it didn't have much of an affect on me'. I would rather have believed I was crazy than to believe the truth. Maybe my mind is just perverted and it thinks up these things by itself. It is hard to reconcile the people in our lives doing these things to a child, especially when they are people we love and trust.
But denial does have a purpose:
"Denial gives you a respite when you cannot bear to align your self with that small, wounded child for another minute. It allows you to go to work, to make breakfast for the kids. It is a survival skill that enables you to set a pace you can handle.
Often in the beginning stages, belief in your memories comes and goes."
I know for me, when I first realized how real it all was, I would find it too hard to accept for days on end. Having Alters helps to hid the truth, but ultimately things like body memories reveal the truth. Its OK to take time away from the trauma. Its OK to not be a survivor or a multiple for a day. Its OK to just let it go and get on with life for a while. It will all come back to you when you are ready, as it has many times before. We need to pace ourselves and remember we are building a life, it will take time and patience. Patience with ourselves. No one, survivor or not, wants to hear about horrible things being done to a child. So it is OK for you to take time to accept the truth of what you have been through.