Welcome to my Blog.

These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

06 May, 2012

Undertow

Life goes on as usual, I am achieving things and getting on with life. Slowly my Alters are introducing themselves. I feel like life is progressing, I have a great bunch of people around me for support and I feel like I am part of something good.
But underneath there is an undertow of self hatred. I have had enough of being me, of living my life. I don't want to do it any more. I hate myself. I don't want to be this way. I hate the brokenness I feel. I don't like that days are such a challenge. Some days I just want to spend the day in bed and hide from everyone.  I am angry that this has happened to me. I want to be able to go to those who have hurt me, and hurt them back. To make them pay, to make it so they know what they have done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu7QvOQKcKk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTTjLxXFg0k&feature=related

They haunt my life, they have too much affect over my life. Some days it just gets too much. I live this way because of them. some days it is just to hard to smile.
But on the outside you would never know.

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