Weird Day

Weird day today, Woke up to insiders wanting to make their names known. Found out about 10 new insiders names this morning, and for some of them some information. Cant seem to shake the feeling that life is just not abusive enough at the moment. We are currently living in a very safe environment and we do not often feel afraid or threatened. We do not have sex if we don't want to, and if we do, we don't often feel shamed, dirty and cheap, like we used to. I think that is the problem. We are not in abusive relationship at the moment and we feel like we have some power and control. We really don't know how to handle that. It has left us feeling unsettled. We need bad things to be happening, this is the world we know. We don't really know what to do when we feel safe. We haven't mastered happy. Although there are insiders who can feel happy, most of us don't really know how that feels. We just fake it. It all feels overwhelming.
We have also been dealing with feelings that we can do nothing right. Everything we try to do is wrong and we just might as well just give up on life.
Although on an opposing note, this morning whilst chatting to the new insiders, we had a bit of a revelation. When meeting new insiders there are always a lot of questions. Someone inside pointed out that if we don't live long enough, we will never know the answers to all the questions we have about our system. We need to live to find the answers and to tell the truth about our life. It gave us purpose when we are floundering in knowing why we are even here. We need to get the truth out there. We need people to know.