Welcome to my Blog.

These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

05 October, 2013

Broken, Abused, Hurting Souls (Trigger warning: Child abuse)

Today like many days before, we have become overwhelmed by life as a multiple. Trying to get 200 insiders ( now what we are calling Alters) to work together and build a life in a world made for singletons seems impossible. Relationships seem impossible. How do people understand us? How do we understand ourselves? How do we ever get through life when all we see is trauma and abuse every where we turn.
As we were driving along in the car, we ran through in our head, what has happened to us step by step something changes. Actually we yelled it out.
" Don't judge me, if you too had been repeatedly sexually assaulted from before the age of 3 years old, hypnotised into compliance, so that many men can have their way with you. Shared through a paedophile ring, prostituted out. Locked in a cage, with your dying friend as her blood runs across the floor towards you. Beaten, raped, tied to a bed during sex. Choked, drowned, just to mention a few things, then you too would be a little stressed about life."
Strangely after saying that in the car and even after repeating it now as I type, a sense of calm comes over us. Some of the stress is released. There is a reason life is so hard to navigate. There is a reason we struggle so much with love and relationships. We learnt about the very worst of mankind, we learnt abuse, rape, death and hatred before we were old enough to even understand love. It makes sense but does it mean we will ever really be able to make a life for ourselves that is safe, and good and fun. Will our past haunt us forever. Is it possible to ever let it go when you live as many broken abused hurting souls?

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