I have also been considering nature vs nurture. Specifically in relation to my trauma. My sexual abuse began about when I was 4 years old, at the hands of several men. I can not say I had any safe male role models. From such an early age, I learnt very well how to satisfy and please a man. Many of that stuff still comes naturally now. It really isn't rocket science anyway but when you have spent your whole life learning it doesn't take long to get the hang of it.
As we let our lesbian alter "H" more time out and more freedom, I am seeing that she has much to teach me/us. I can not recall if H has had any real life experience with a woman, I don't think so. One thing she has shown us is that we equate men and sex with anger and that it affects our experience of sex. Maybe I was born a lesbian, maybe life has brought me to this path, and maybe this is just a time of searching and trying. Who knows, but this is one of the many adventures we are opening ourselves up to. We want to make a life that is ours. We are not like others, we do not function like others, so why should we constantly adjust who we are for them. This is our life and we are going to make it our own.