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These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

01 November, 2012

OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder)

My husband and I have several cockatiels. It is breading season and we often have to hand raise one or two. This time I am hand raising one. She is becoming very cute and sweet but it has not been without its challenges. Most multiples that I know have at least one Alter that is at least a bit germ obsessed. I too have an alter who is very conscious of germs and mess. With the baby bird inside the house and having to clean up after her, it has been quite a challenge. The desire to clean every thing several times, wash my hands and change my clothes if the bird touched them, can be very overwhelming. It has caused me quite a bit of stress. It has also taken me a bit by surprise. I didn't realise how strong it was.
As time goes on, and as I am better able to hear my Alters, I am learning what they are saying and what is bothering them. I am also able to carry out there wishes more effectively.
When an alter has OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) they need to be clean and germ free. They need order. I know many people with DID who carry sanitiser with them constantly. I like to always have clean hands and need to wash them frequently. As yet I have not quite got to the sanitiser stage, but at times I get close. ( I am on medication to help decrease the intensity of the compulsion). I also have an obsession for having clean teeth. I carry a tooth brush with me in my handbag and if I am caught without it I can feel quite distressed. I have even left friend's houses early because I couldn't stand not being able to clean my teeth.
As the baby bird grows and gets less messy, I am finding it a bit easier to cope. She may be the last we hand raise for a while, as it is stressing me out too much. I do enjoy it but the worry about all the germs is doing my head in.
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3 comments:

  1. Jane13/11/12 10:47 pm

    Hi Lonnie, my mother had severe OCD that she was in complete denial about. I cannot remember a time when she did not suffer immensely. Many years ago when I was trying to learn more about OCD I can remember reading something along the lines that many OCD sufferers obsessively try to control some aspect of their external environment through rituals, to compensate for not being able to have control in other areas of their life - eg, being dominated, having no choice, being disempowered etc. I am wondering if you relate to that?

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    1. Lonnie14/11/12 12:19 pm

      Very much so Jane, having to check the front door or car doors are locked, several times. Washing my hands or cleaning the house. If those things arent done properly my famiy will get sick bad things wil happen. When she is out, we MUST have the house clean. Things will not be right until it is done. I cannot get settled until it is done and done perfectly. By knowing the house is right some how I feel things will be right around me. Problem is it is never perfect enough.

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  2. Jane14/11/12 7:04 pm

    Must be exhausting for you.....huge credit to you for your awareness, openness and honesty.

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