Just wanted to let everyone know I am feeling much better now. It has taken a bit of work and with a few tears but we are getting there. As is the way with parenting, the job is never over and you spend the rest of their lives worrying about them. At least for now the crisis period is passing and I can breath again. Yay!
I found a book the other day that I have been wanting to read for a while. It is called "A Stolen life" by Jaycee Dugard.
Jaycee is the woman who at 11years old was abducted and held captive for nearly 20years. She has had 2 children to her abuser Phillip Garrido. He is now in prison. Her story is an honest and open depiction of what she suffered at the hands of a very sick individual, yet it is so hopeful and inspiring. Something that really touched me in her book is a bit about hate.
"In my heart I do not hate Phillip. I don't believe in hate. To me it wastes too much time. People who hate waste so much of their life hating that they miss out on all the other stuff out there. I do not choose to live my life that way. What is done is done. I am looking to the future. For the first time in a long time I get to look to the future instead of the present. I have lived one day to next never daring to look ahead. I never knew what was going to happen. If all of my heart was filled up with hate and regrets and what ifs, then what else would it have room for? I wont say every day has been glorious and wonderful, but even on the bad fays I can still say one thing -I am free...free to be the person I want to be...free to say I have my family and now new friends...I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I am strong and want to continue writing my story......"
As a survivor of abuse it is so easy to hate those who hurt me. I can not say that I am as well healed as Jaycee is yet, but she truly inspires me to try. My favourite part is where she says .."I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I am strong and want to continue writing my story......" I hold on to these words, they give me strength.
Thanks you Jaycee for writing your story, is inspiring.
I highly recommend reading it if you can. There is mention of some of what she went through and I know that can be triggering for some. Please feel free to contact me if you want any further details.
On the road to healing!