As mother day approaches we find depression creeping in. We have been working very hard in therapy over the last year, and have been able to pull ourselves away from many of the negative influences in our life. We have been working hard on having fun (as strange as that might sound)
Life has felt so much better. We used to live with almost constant suicidal thoughts. They have been gone for over a year now, and it has been a great feeling to be living with enough hope that we are not constantly suicidal.
Up until a 3 days ago. I had noticed that we were slowly losing enthusiasm for life and lost our energy and interest in things we normally enjoy. We really just wanted to sleep or veg on the couch all day . Three days ago the thoughts of suicide came in like thunder. We were dissociating much more, and we were struggling to take our medication without taking too much. Even after a therapy session, where we had spent the whole time crying, we still had no answers. Our therapist suggested spending a few days with our friends to help us get through until the next session. Fortunately we have some really great people around us at the moment. Our best friend( for the sake of his anonymity we will call him Bear) insisted we stay with him until we were feeling better able to cope. He confiscated our meds and let us have what we needed when we needed it. He kept us busy helping him with work, and he gave us time to be hugged and loved . We didn't have to worry about our life and it stressors. It was like a small vacation at his house for 2 days. By the time we came home yesterday we felt very delicate and emotional. We were so very tired but we felt better. We still don't have access to all our medication, but we feel far less like we would use it improperly anyway. We are by no means better, but I hope that once mother's day has passed in 2 days things, will improve dramatically. We are forever grateful to Bear, His love care and support kept us going. We normally would, at times like these, hide at home, fighting to survive, sacred to move incase the wrong ones came out and did something permanently dangerous. With Bear's help we spent those really hard days actually laughing and living. It's amazing how easy it was with help. This is the first time we have experienced such support, and it is unforgettable. Maybe this is what the outside world refers to as Love,,. ...we are still learning about that. I guess that some people are just born to be a blessing . Bear is one of those people. Thank you also to our other friends who have prayed, and talked to us, and reassured us that we are not alone, your input is greatly appreciated.
Maybe we don't have to be so strong standing on our own...maybe it is ok to be weak and let others help us along the way. It sure feels great when it is there but what happens when you put the walls down and it's not there. That's what scares me.....deep into my soul.