I AM NORMAL!

 PODS ( Positive outcomes for Dissociative Survivors) is a UK organisation run by Carolyn and Rob Spring. Carolyn has DID. They provide wonderful services for people with dissociation and their families and friends.To go to their website, just click on the link here - PODS
Pods publishes a magazine ( not shinny and glossy like you would find in the newsagent) every3 or 4 months on life with DID. Rob usually writes an article about being a support person for some one with DID. It is very informative and well worth a read. You can access back copies for free, which is what I usually do.
I was reading the May 2012 issue last night,  'Parts are only part of the problem' by Carolyn, when a piece caught my eye. I will quote it for you here.

"DID is not rare; it is not unique; it is not special. It is just a logical set of symptoms to some  terrible trauma. It is a normal way to react to very abnormal childhood treatment. In fact, I only have DID because I am normal. If I had not reacted normally to chronic trauma and disrupted attachment I would not have developed DID."

As a Multiple we can feel so broken, fractured, abnormal. We feel that we are some how not the same as everyone else. Perhaps we were born with a mutant gene that makes us react to trauma this way. There are thousands of ideas that cross my mind as to why we have DID. Most of them not positive or helpful. I know I generally spend most of my life feeling broken and useless. This small paragraph really helped me to change the way I see myself. I AM NORMAL, I am just like everyone else except for one detail, I survived that which most people don't even want to talk about let alone live through. It puts the 'blame' back where it belongs...it is caused by the trauma, it is not my fault. I am not broken, I have merely had to survive in an extremely efficient way. 

Self blame is an easy road to take when you have been abused as a child. Children often take the blame for so many things that happen in the adult world. How much more so for the abuse they were forced to endure. I know we struggle with these thoughts regularly. But I am in no way to blame for this. I was a very normal little girl trying the best way I knew to get through a very abnormal situation. I find myself feeling compassion for myself and my levels of self hatred decrease. I see a small small girl with brown curly hair and a tear running down her cheek, just wanting to feel loved and safe. A normal little girl just like any other but with a determination to survive that made DID the only mechanism to make it. She is a very brave little girl and one day I hope to be proud of the strength she has.