Just had another appointment with my psychologist. Its always exhausting even though all we do is talk for an hour. I feel very still and and 'calm'..but maybe the calm before the storm. Maybe I am waiting for one of the identities to react to what we talked about. I have had a bit of a reaction. Elaine (my Psych) and I talked a bit about the abuse I went through as a child and one of the memories I had of it. It was not easy as I had never told anyone about that memory before. Since then one of the personalities has been making me feel nausious and has been arguing with me. She seems to have settled down now but I really didnt feel like eating much for dinner tonight.
Elaine is amazed at how I am coping with life and that I am so aware of my other personalities and that I can sometimes feel myself dissociating and stop. She says she is reluctant to 'unpack' me too much as she doesnt want to make me less able to function.
The key is healing what we need to without making it worse. I need to have some understanding of how I got this way and gain some ability to cope with my changing alters that can happen so fast and without warning and can affect how I feel both physically and emotionally. I guess ultimately we will know what need to be done as we go along. Once again it is a journey and we cannot know the end until we get there.