I just went back and read an old post from 2 years ago. The emotions and deep despair felt back then. We have come so much farther from then. We have seen so much worse since then. What strikes me though, is that we are still here. Still dealing with the anxiety, flashbacks, body memories, pain, nightmares, sleepless nights and helplessness. Some things haven't changed, and maybe wont for a very ling time, but many things have. We are learning to accept the truth of our past, as heartbreaking as it is. We are learning to find a place in our day to day life for it. To find time and space to acknowledge our pain and past . We have put up monuments to remember those we lost. And we are trying very hard to remember that its OK for us to be broken. Its OK for us to need time to mourn that which we could never mourn before. Its OK for us to seek help and support when we need it. Its OK to take time to just be, even when others are working hard around us, we can still rest. Most of all we have learned that Love and hugs and safe kisses can heal so much. Feeling safe in the arms of someone we trust heals so much.
Its hard to fight for yourself after abuse, its hard to believe you are worthy of anything more than what life has already given you. But if you try, one step at a time, you start to see how truly amazing you are for just being alive today. How strong you are for making it through all that mess, and you start to believe that maybe just maybe, you can make it through a few more days.
Love still scares us immensely. We have no idea how to deal with it, but we are learning to accept it. Our brain just hasn't been wired for that, but it is learning. The brain CAN be rewired even at this later stage of life, and it is quite amazing.