Too Broken!!

I am a survivor of Child sexual abuse, mind control and programming. So far we count over 200 members inside us and the numbers grow. We have been programmed to do many things that make us sick to the stomach think about. Our own abilities and past scare us. As I sit here today I really have no idea who we are. I know the image we have portrayed over all these years, but I also know it has nothing to do with who we really are. We were made to be this way so we wouldn't cause trouble. We are a product of the programming. Programs that even now get enacted as we encounter different things in our life. We are little more than who they made us. We are merely robots to achieve what they want and need. We are not individuals.
I really wonder if there is a way out of this. If we will ever really know freedom. Life just feels so hard, and like we will never get out of this. So many people in our head that we have to take into account. So many voices that want to be heard. So many lives they want to live. They want their voices to be heard, but I am so tired of this fight. So tired of being broken. Of not being able to handle relationships with people, of having so few people we can trust and talk to. I've had enough of it all. The fight just seems too much day in day out. I feel like every day we are just faking it to get through until the real life happens, the only thing is we have been doing this for so long we are beginning to wonder if there will ever be the real life.
If this IS the real life.....we are f*#ked.