Languages of Love

Is it love that I seek, or attention, is it unconditional acceptance. As a child, getting some ones attention makes us feel loved. As adults this can be true too. But not all attention is equal. My abusers gave me attention, and in some cases lots of it. So much so that I attached to one of them far more strongly than my own parents. But this was not love. True love would not take a child and put your needs ahead or a child's safety and sanity. That was merely grooming me, connecting with me and getting me to trust him, so that he had control and power. That was abuse of my innocence, but to this day I still yearn for that 'love'.

There is a book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. In it Gary says that we feel and express love through one of the five languages of love. Some people feel loved through physical contact, like hugs. Enough hugs and cuddles, and these people will know you love them. For others it is buying of gifts, or quality time, word of affirmation, or acts of service. If we can know which language the important people in our lives feel love with , we can make sure they get what they need. We also can learn our own language and what makes us feel loved. Although we generally have a more dominant method of feeling loved, we can feel it through several forms. If I have a partner who needs quality time to feel loved and I am constantly showering them with gifts, because that is how I feel loved. Chances are they will not be feeling the fullness of the love I have to share with them. When I sit down quietly and make time with them to listen to what they have to say, or even do a fun activity they enjoy, they can see how important they are to me.
How many times have fathers gone out day after day working to earn money for their families, when all the family really wanted was time. It is an interesting thought. How we perceive love and its expression may not be that same as how others perceive it.
What I was taught was love, may not really be it. Sex is not love. It can be, but it often is not. The same with touching and holding. Telling me how pretty I am may not be love either. All the languages above can be used and as tool to gain influence over someone. They can feel like love, but it is only manipulation. On the other hand, there are those who love someone immensely and don't have the ability to effectively show it. Love can be a very illusive thing.
It is one of the essentials of life. We are responsible for showing someone love and not manipulation. It is one of life's hardest things bit one of its most needed.