What a day!

What a day yesterday was. I woke up at my usual time in the morning after a pretty good sleep. It was the dream that had me shaken. As I have mentioned before, it is very common for multiples to have their Alters communicate with them through their dreams. I have regularly experienced it and am beginning to find it very useful and interesting. I will spare you the details, but the basic theme of the dream was to explain some of how the abuser's mind worked and how I had reacted to that. While it didn't have a lot of emotions directly attached to it, it was definitely something I would not forget nor let go of easily.
Throughout my day yesterday it was in my mind and I spent most of the day feeling close to tears. It had answered some questions for me but also created some more. There will be plenty to talk about when I see my Therapist tomorrow.

 On top of that, I had troubles with one of my sons who is not making the wisest choices at the moment. I had a very very long week previous to this, trying to get advice on how to deal with his situation. It is one of those nasty ones where he is pretty much grounded from everything until further notice, and he, of course, hates me.
It can take a lot to be stable enough to deal with all this at times. While all my Alters love and accept my boys, not all of them know how to handle a situation that may arise. If things get too heavy and I am having trouble coping, I can (not by choice) switch to Denial who makes the world seem all Roses and Rainbows and truly makes me believe all is fine. Sounds like a nice place to be, and at times it is, but it is not an affective method of parenting. Also not helpful when you have calls to make and people to see. Suddenly all is well and the problem doesn't exist any more. Denial has helped me many times before in just getting through life. When the truth of the abuse comes too close to the surface, she takes over and it becomes merely some strange dream or story I made up, and very quickly and easily forgotten. In reality I should be very grateful for her help. Without her I would never have made it this far. She has made life enjoyable, bearable, manageable. I can believe it is all a bad dream and life really is good and I am truly happy.

To top off my day yesterday, my dog decided to raid the rubbish bin and eat about 6 moldy sandwiches that had been in my sons school bag for at least 3 months. Not a wise move, but then again, when are dogs wise, well mine isn't anyway. Within a few hours she was vomiting and shaking uncontrollably. We drove her down to the nearest emergency pet hospital, where they said she needed to be on a drip over night to help wash the toxins out of her system. They also gave her muscle relaxants to stop the shaking and help her sleep. I picked her up today, paying $850.00 and brought her home. She is totally back to normal and following our chooks around eating their poo. Very gross dog!!

Yesterday was one day I could gladly have lived without, but another day in the life of a multiple.  My plan is to catch up on some sleep tonight. I have Therapy tomorrow and hopefully that will help me to get a better understanding of what my alters were showing me in the dream. It can be scary to face, and it leaves me feeling very raw and exposed. But I have to trust that it is healing and will get better in the end.