Flashbacks and Christmas.

Life has held a few challenges for me lately. One of the hardest being flashbacks. You never know when they will occur and how disturbing they will be. There are times when I just want to spend the rest of the day crying in bed.
After some rather upsetting flashbacks the other day, all I could keep saying to my Therapist is "how does someone live through this." How does a child keep going after these things happen to them? I was heart broken, it all seemed too much to bare. Too much for a person, let alone a child to experience.
My therapist told me how I survived, what got me through and to this day I am still not sure it has really clicked together in my head. I survived by dissociating and splitting. Letting other 'people' take the abuse and memories while I got on with life. I guess it sounds so simple and obvious to everyone but strangely not too me. You see, I forget everyone isn't like me. I forget that everyone's brain doesn't work like mine. To me I am normal, this is how all people function. So when I see the trauma, it is amazing that you can live with that and move on.
I may not be making much sense at this time, and I am not sure how to explain it. I guess I was lucky to dissociate and split, it kept me alive and living. Sometimes reality is really hard to comes to terms with.

Its only a few days to Christmas now, and everyone is getting busy. I know that for many people Christmas is a very hard time. While people are getting together with family members, many of us are alone. Many more are spending time with people that they don't feel connected to, or that may even be their abusers. Please, please take care this year. Be kind to your self and do something for yourself. Something you enjoy.  Make it a safe Christmas and special in your own way. I will be thinking of you. If you get particularly lonely please send me an email, I would love to hear from you.

Hope you all have a great Christmas and that 2012 is a year of healing and hope for us all.