I have been thinking further on this topic, and someone inside has shown me something that seems quite simple and obvious but, has been a major revelation to me/us. All of my sexual abuse was done by men, over many years and to varying degrees. When we have sex with men now it triggers the old trauma. This is because of many things. We know the power a man has and that they can be very hard to resist if they are insistent. Their touch is also the same and the movements through out the sexual act are also a repeat of what was done before. (i.e. thrusting) These actions in most cases are an exact copy of the abuse, and therefore take us straight back to where we were as a child, whether we want to be there or not. Even the nicest gentlest man will still carry out many of the actions the abusers did. This is triggering on one way or another, even if it only registers inside on a deeper level. This makes all sex with a man hold a traumatic component. Not a good loving scenario really. The body has memories of its own and it doesn't take much to trigger them.
The theory is that sex with a woman is a different activity. Different actions are used and it affects the body in different ways. If sex with a man instantly has an anger base in my body, then it is safe to assume that with a woman it is not there? So far from what my lesbian alter H has been showing me, this is the case. For us heterosexual sex contains an level of anger and I dare say fear before we even get into the experience. H has shown me that that without that fear and anger the sexual experience is very different. Maybe it is time for some scientific experimenting to test this theory. lol
It all seems so obvious in some ways but still a major revelation. Stay tuned as we continue on our road to discovery of DID and me.
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