Update

So much going on at the moment. I have found a house and we are in the process of moving in. We (alters) have been in an emotional shut down for most of this. It has served us well as we have been able to get a lot done with little or no event. But as the final day comes for moving in the reality is beginning to hit. Fear is as usual the biggest. Today i'm not coping so well. I'm very scared, and I feel like I just want a big warn hug and someone to tell me its all going to be ok. I don't feel particularly sure of myself at the moment and any reassurance would be a good thing. I just want to cry. I am so angry this even had to happen. My life is not even close to where I thought it was going to go. I would never have been able to see this all coming. As much as we shouldn't let the past rule the future, as a multiple I feel there will always be an element for which this will happen. Just by being many I am affected by the past actions of others. I am starting to see the world from a very different angle. My life is less my own than I had first thought. Yes I have control over where I choose to go but with me I take all those inside me. Like raising a family I must make decisions that work for all of us not just what I want. And then there are my outside family I must think of. I am merely one of many who's desires and needs will be put into the pot with all the others to be taken into account. I am one of many, I will never be just me. Maybe that is a good thing, I don't know but I do feel a bit lost in a crowd.