New year

Hi everyone and welcome to 2013. I had an awesome new year spent with some of my great friends from Bridges.
I feel that so often on here I am complaining about life and how I am coping. That is not my intent but I am finding it is how I am regularly feeling lately. Communication between my alters seems to have stagnated and it seems each day is filled with complaints and corrections. I am finding I do not know who is talking or really what is going on. It is a bit like driving with a car full of complaining children every day. I have also noticed some of my little ones who feel unloved have been out a bit lately looking for reassurance. Self harming has become an issue and I had a binge session last night like I have not had in quite a while. Externally all seems well and no one would know. but every day is a challenge and I am not always sure I am winning.
We had a great time today with some family members who came to visit.I enjoy the company but I find it hard as people don't want to know about how I really am, and it can leave us feeling like they are  not getting the real answer. The truth is I am mourning a life lost, who I could have been and fighting the desire to sit you all down and tell  it how it really is.
No one wants to hear about child abuse and how we struggle with our abusers and what they did. No one wants to see the consequences over afternoon tea, but for me they are always there, they never leave me, and I want to stop the secrecy that has held me bound for so long. Who will listen.