Believe me!

The last few weeks have been quite an education for me. I have learnt how my alters are talking to me in their own way but that I am not really listening or getting what they are saying.
My hubby, son and I have just got back from a week staying at my Aunt and Uncle's holiday house. We had a very relaxing time and my husband even managed to catch a few fish. During our stay my Aunt, Uncle and cousin came for a visit and stayed for dinner. While my uncle and hubby were out fishing in the boat, Auntie, cousin and I had time for a good long chat. For a very small part of the conversation we skirted around the subject of my childhood and how it had not been how she thinks it was.
Her obvious disbelief was quite shocking. I spend most of my time with other multiples. We don't even think to questions one an others stories, we know the world is not as rosy as people would like to believe it is. We know that people wear two faces, some of our worst abusers are the nicest people you would ever meet. The world is full of darkness, we see it every day, but I realise that for people who don't live in this world of darkness, it is easy to lose sight of the truth.
Her disbelief was shocking and rocked us inside more than I had realised. It took us to that place where we no one believes us, we are in this torture and no on will believe the truth. No on will rescue me as they don't believe there is anything to be rescued from. Right back to being a child. Later that day I did spend some time quietly thinking and sharing with my inside world, we did 'talk' about what had happened but as it had been out of my ability to change I pushed it aside. I am realising now that was not a good idea. For several days after that they were all very restless inside and I heard complaints and berating. By the day I saw my shrink I was starting to get really down and frustrated. I had by this time totally forgotten about what they were complaining about and I was feeling very abused by everyone on the inside.
Whilst talking to my shrink I realised that my aunts disbelief had had a profound affect on us, and that I had not acknowledged it and taken steps to help us heal from those feelings of abandonment and not being believed. The instant I got it out, all the arguing and berating stopped and I felt peaceful. That is all they wanted, was to be heard!
Know I am trying to remember that these hurts ARE important and to not just let them pass or minimise them. Let them out, journal about them, discuss them with a friend, or shrink, blog, anything that acknowledges that we are here and we are hurting. The time for keeping secrets is over, the truth needs to be told.
Having someone believe your truth is a very liberating thing. I remember the first time my psychologist believed me about one of my abusers. The physical release was tangible, like a major weight was taken off my shoulders that I didn't even realise I was carrying. I didn't carry this secret alone any more. I know we don't all want to know about the evil in the world, we see so much of it on the evening news. It can become overwhelming, but for some of us this is our reality. If I have DID I have known darkness, I didn't get this way because I fell and hit my knee and I am a sook. Please understand that MY world is not yours and if you really want to get to know me you may have to learn more about the dark side of this life than fits inside your rosy view. It is the price we pay for having evil in this world, and we always will until it ends.