Preparing for the Merry season

Well it is not long now until Christmas, and while this time can be a really happy time it can also be very depressing for many people. For those of us with a family trauma history, Christmas can become a nightmare. It can be hard enough facing family you don't spend much time with throughout the year, but to add all the expectations of everyone getting on for a happy Christmas, and it can be a recipe for disaster. On the other hand perhaps you avoid family during this time. Sometimes that is wise, but it can leave us feeling even more alone and unloved.

Knowing all this, I think it is a good idea to prepare for the Christmas season before you get there.
 If you are choosing to spend time with the dreaded family, than maybe think about limiting the time there. Think of other places or things you need to do, especially if you have to make a quick escape. Have a code word or sign to signal to your partner that this is all getting too much and it is time for us to leave. Organise to only go when the people who trigger you the most wont be there. These are all strategies I have employed in the past, and have worked to one degree or another.
I have also invited a friend or two to spend Christmas with my family so there is someone safe with me to support me when I didn't have a partner. Just some one else to deflect conversations, or keep everyone on their best behaviour, can make a great difference to how you can handle the day.
If all of this is too hard, them maybe not spending time with the family is a better idea. You may find you enjoy the time alone, but for most of us, it can serve as a reminder of how stuffed our life really is. Spending Christmas depressed and miserable is not a good idea either. Perhaps it is an option to invite over friends who are also estranged from their families. Surround your self with fun and laughter and it will be much easier to deal with the lack of family. There is also the option of a street party if you have that kind of neighbourhood and others are around. If some one invites you to their Christmas lunch, take them up on the offer and spend some time with people who care about you.
Christmas can be a very hard time for many of us and self care is a high priority. Keeping up old favourites like journaling or blogging can also help. Skype or ring those you miss at this time, sometimes just hearing their voice can make all the difference. If you must spend this time alone, then plan fun activities to do during your day. Things you really enjoy, and treat yourself to something yummy for the day. But most of all please Remember that you are important, and you are worth taking care of. Just because you cant connect with those you love during this time, doesn't mean you are forgotten. I personally really appreciate EVERYONE who comes to read my blog, and I will be checking to see who has dropped in during Christmas. I hope things go well for you all and that we can all make this an enjoyable time.