Things are gong really well for me at the moment. Bridges is going along nicely and I have made some great friendships. As we get to know each other better we brave stretching our relationships to new levels. Socialising outside the Friday meeting is now becoming not only the norm, but also essential to getting through my week. It can seem to take forever to get though one week so we can see each other again.
This of course has not been without its challenges, we do have DID after all. While I have been thoroughly enjoying spending time with my friends from Bridges, I have felt a distance or a wall between us. Totally on my side and by my doing, but nun the less still there. It has taken some time for me to realise it is even there. A couple of weeks ago I realised what it was and why it was there. I haven't had close female friends for years, not really close ones. I have been shutting myself off from it all so I didn't get hurt again. It takes a lot to trust someone and to let them in, and the resulting rejection if things fall apart, can be devastating. It has been so long on my own that I had forgotten how it feels to let someone in. (except my husband)
Once we realised what was happening and the wall came down, I was literally able to see the world in a different way. It was like I had been looking at things through a dirty window on a dark day. Suddenly the view is clear and the sky are blue. I feel like it is a new part of my life. I cannot say I am not anxious about letting people back in. It is always fraught with danger and possible pain, but for now I am enjoying being able to hug my friends again. Not being afraid of every thing I say and do. ( just parts of it) I feel I am able to let these people really get to know me. One way or another. I am pleased to have achieved it and that I am one more step along the road to healing.
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