Alone

I was just reading a post from a friends blog that she wrote several years ago. Although it was written some time ago, I believe it is still very relevant and real for today, in both her life and my own. Butterfly says "

Ive been really sick for the better part of a week now...

And not just sick, but scary sick... I haven't been able to breathe properly for most of the time Ive been sick and that has really brought home to me, the fact that I am here alone most of the time and no-one would know if I died... Well, not until it was time for my girls to be dropped off for the weekend again, or until the stench of my rotting corpse hit the street... Its left me feeling very lonely at times and craving the intimacy of real human touch;

This really caught my attention. I am wondering if it is linked back to the trauma again and the feeling that we are forgotten and that no one really would know or care if we died.
 I know that before I got remarried I had a terrible time with being home alone. When that boys were at their fathers I would often have a week to myself. Even times when I had the boys with me, I felt like no one seemed to know or care that I existed. Sure the boys were there but I was their carer not them caring for me. As I had not long come out of a divorce, my friends were few and far between. I spent many a night just wishing some one, anyone, would be there for me. I felt as if I didn't matter, as if no one really cared for me unless it suited them. I too felt like no one would know if I died  until the boys came home or the smell got too bad. I remember wanting to go and stand on a table in the middle of McDonalds and yell at the top of my lungs: "SOMEONE NOTICE ME!" I guess I felt inconsequential and unimportant in peoples lives.
It seems to me to be a very similar feeling to the lost and lonely child who is dealing with abuse that no one can know about, and no one can save her from. Deep down I had the hope and deperate desire for someone, anyone, to notice what was happening to me and save me. To the best of my knowledge, no one ever did. 
That sense of desertion from the human race can take a long time to leave.
Times when I feel alone, I am left wondering again, if anyone would every miss me. Do people REALLY see me or am I just someone in the back ground who can come and go without anyone noticing. Am I merely a bigger version of that lost forgotten little girl, screeming for someone to notice her, while everyone else is in their own world, busy getting on with the task at hand.

In reply to the conversation we had the other day "C", Maybe that is why being home alone for long periods does our heads in. The panic and fear is still there and we feel truly deserted by the human race. Forgotten and unneeded. Only there for those who want to take advantage.  Better to grab what we can, imperfect as it is, than to have nothing at all and be ALONE! 
By the way "C".....I would miss you!