The Gatekeeper

The night of my last post I hit crashed. Lost the plot and ended up in bed crying and cuddling my favourite big pink bunny, (a comfort toy for my little ones). I had just been doing a bit too much and forgetting to say no to things. I had been going so well for so long i was beginning to feel invincible. As usual we learn all too soon how that is not true and we need to slow down. 
It didn't last long and by the next morning I was back to what I call my normal self, hearing the voices and feeling everyone inside again. This has been great, now I have a chance to get to know them better.
After yet another amazing discussion with a friend of mine on the weekend I have learned a great deal about my system and how it works. I was discussing the fact that I have an alter who I was calling the "watcher" who seemed to watch everything that was happening to the body. My friend suggested that it could be a gatekeeper.
With Multiple personalities the gatekeeper is the one who usually controls the information that comes out of the body, the memories and often who will be able to come forward. In my case in particular My gatekeeper tries to control most of the things I do. This is so the little ones don't get out of control in public and so we do our very best to look like a 43 year old woman and basically hide that the others are in there.
My gatekeeper likes to keep the body running with in some pretty tight boundaries so that she knows things will be safe. This can include foods I eat, money I spend and activities I do throughout the day. I definitely involves the words I say, the things I can remember and how I feel.
It is frustrating at times to have someone who insists on things always being done a particular way and not being very open to change. At first I was very angry with her but now I realize that she has been key in getting me to where I am today. Her job has always been to make us look normal so that no one will know what is going on inside. To keep us getting through the day with order and control so that we don't fall in a heap on the floor or spend all day dancing around and playing with toys. It is most likely because of her that I have managed to raise my boys so well on my own. I am grateful for all the work she has done, and now we can work together to let her take a break sometimes when it is safe so the others can have time out too.
This is an amazing time of discovery.....I am fascinated with the goings on in my own mind.