Stress free please.

I have been struggling the last week or so with stomach ache. Every day it is there and it gets worse whether I eat or don't eat. Even drinking water hurts. I found that by yesterday afternoon I was not even standing up straight as it was too painful. I have been trying to think about what I have been eating lately, we have had Christmas so maybe I have been eating too much junk food. Maybe I am ill and should see the Doctor? Amongst this I had about 24 hours of dizzy spells. They were strange ones though, they only occurred when I was not concentrating on something or if I was lying down with my eyes closed. Once I clued into what was happening it didn't take long for me to figure it out. The dizzy spells are caused by an alter who is trying to communicate something to me. I took some time to myself and started writing in my journal. After half an hour of non stop writing about nothing much in particular and a small nap, the dizzy spells have gone.
The stomach ache is much harder. It is caused by stress. Now given it is holidays and I am really not doing that much each day I am inclined to wonder what is causing me stress. Apparently it doesn't always take much. With the boys home from school and hubby home from work, I am not getting my usual time alone.
We also have two baby cockateels that we are hand feeding, as they keep jumping out of the nest box and mum wont feed them. There is an amazing amount of apricots coming off our tree and that has kept me busy with making jam (my first time) and drying. I have been in far more stress than this in my life, but it seems to be taking hold at the moment. It could be one alter who suffers with it more than others. I am not quite sure.
A friend told me of a great product for helping to make me feel less agitated., It doesn't smell the best but it will decrease the pain to a bearable level. Its called 'Melissa Oil" and you can get it from HERE. It is also good for helping me sleep and for decreasing an anxiety attack when it starts. I recommend it.
For today I am trying not to worry about anything...(not that easy) and to do some fun things I enjoy so as to be a bit more stress free.

Losing Time

 Losing time is when we dissociate to the point where we switch so a different alter is in control and we are not aware or conscious of what is going on while they are in control. After sometime we can switch back. These times can go on for years or moments or anything in between. I have heard stories of multiples who come back from lost time years later to find their life is totally different, as the alter who was in charge all those years changed their life completely. Imagine sitting on the couch watching TV and then seeming to 'come too'  in a shopping center and its a week later. You have no idea how you got there or what you have been doing, and the last time you were conscious you were home watching TV. Did you go to work, who has been looking after the kids etc. It is very scary and probably one of the worst part of having DID. But again it is a survival technique for DID.
Earlier on in my Blog I mentioned that I don't lose time, I was wrong. I don't lose a lot of time but I do lose it. I have lost it driving my car. For me it is like suddenly coming out of blackness to reality. It is very scary, but when it happened in my car, I was still driving fine and heading down the road as if nothing had happened. It was not, however, that same piece of road I had been on minutes ago.
It is not uncommon to have someone in a system who will watch what is going on with the body and will help ease the fear and panic after a time loss by showing or telling what has just happened. Therefore making it seem as if time was not really lost at all. Stress can increase times of time loss, triggers are also causes. For some it is very frequent, for others, not so much, but either way it is part of the DID experience.

Do we have to remember?

Yesterday we had our Christmas break up for Bridges. It was a casual time with yummy food, to chat and discuss whatever came up. We had much discussion on many topics but one that did come up was the subject of remembering trauma. Is is essential for treatment? This can be especially interesting question for a multiple who does not remember much of the trauma. I have only a very few memories of the trauma, most of the memories are well hidden by my alters.
Question being, do I need to dredge up the memories of the past to heal? Does every alter need to reveal the secrets they hold, in order for me to move on. 
There are many trains of thought on this as you can probably imagine. Those that believe that the past is better off left where it is.
Memories are interesting things, and the mind has an amazing ability and desire to protect us. Memories are rarely stored in complete form. By this I mean that a memory may be nothing more than a feeling, or part of an activity. People often don't have faces, or even different faces from what they should. A memory of a traumatic event may be stored with none of the emotion attached with it, so that you can see it but not have any recall of the feelings felt at the time. Memories can often be stored out of sequence. With all of this confusion why even bother with remembering what has happened. Can it be trusted?
Others who of course think that in order to heal we must know what is hidden in the past.
The past certainly affects the future, and seems in a sense logical to know what has happened and to allow the body to heal of the trauma. Trauma can have a very dramatic affect on the body. The body remembers things done to it where there are often not words to express it. A flinch away from a certain touch, a dislike of a type of food. We may not know why we are reacting this way, but the body does and this can last for years. Especially if the trauma is experienced in childhood and no treatment is received. It can become in ground into our behaviour, with no logical reasoning behind it. I have never like people putting their hand on the back of my neck. It creeps me out and I have to get it off immediately. I never really knew why. (I do now!)
Whichever opinion you may have, one thing is thing is seems to be true. When the time is right, and/or the need is there, the memories will resurface. It can be dangerous to force people to remember traumatic events before they are ready. It can traumatize them further, and cause even more problems. It is not uncommon for many child abuse survivors to not remember their abuse at all until their late 30's or 40's. This of course causes a problem if you want to prosecute the abuser, but it is a protection mechanism for the survivor. By this time in life they are often feeling safer and stronger than before, and emotionally better able to deal with what has happened.
In my own case, I knew for years that something had happened to me but I could never remember what. I often searched to internet for ways to open up my memory, I even saw a councilor or two to see if they could help me figure out what had happened to me. Repeatedly the same message came through,"when you are ready you will remember." It was very frustrating, but it is true.
When I hit my 40's, I was in a stable and loving marriage, in a nice home, my children were getting older, and the truth started to reveal itself. Although I wanted to know earlier, I really wasn't ready. I didn't have the support systems I was going to need and I was not emotionally able to deal with the truth.
Remember one thing above all else, human beings are designed to survive and they will do almost anything to make that happen, both physically and mentally.  Protecting you is what it is all about. When you are safe, it can relax and let things go, until then, it must protect you from what ever it feels is here to hurt you. As frustrating as it is, be patient, chances are, you are moving at the right pace for you. In time, what needs to be reveled will.