Welcome to my Blog.

These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

06 July, 2014

What is ritual abuse?

I really haven't written much on here lately as I don't know where to start. Things have just got so much deeper and heavier over the last few months that I am just lost, I have been reading a bit lately and thought I might just quote some information I have found. Be careful it may be triggering. I hope it helps.

From S.M.A.R.T ritual abuse pages

What is Ritual Abuse?

“…is methodical abuse, often using indoctrination, aimed at breaking the will of another human being. In a 1989 report, the Ritual Abuse Task Force of the L.A. County Commission for Women defined ritual abuse as: “Ritual Abuse usually involves repeated abuse over an extended period of time. The physical abuse is severe, sometimes including torture and killing. The sexual abuse is usually painful,humiliating, intended as a means of gaining dominance over the victim.The psychological abuse is devastating and involves the use of ritual indoctrination. It includes mind control techniques which convey to the victim a profound terror of the cult members …most victims are in a state of terror, mind control and dissociation” (Pg. 35-36) “Safe Passage to Healing”, by Chrystine Oksana, 1994, HarperCollins, which is an excellent source for survivor and co-survivors on the topic, though there is a newer edition out by iuniverse.com (2001)
 Abuse experiences were reported to have affected every aspect of their adult functioning. Subjects began therapy with little or no knowledge of the phenomenon of ritualistic abuse, and only one patient reported vague memories of ritualistic abuse before entering therapy. Reports from this sample reflect striking convergence among subjects and with data from previous research and clinical reports. A composite clinical case study is presented based on these data.
excerpts from the article:
“Skeptics question the legitimacy of these reports,but many factors point to the reality of the phenomenon of ritualistic abuse. First of all, the degree of consistency between reports of individuals from different parts of the country is very high. The fact that children as young as 2 and 3 report ritualistic abuse experiences that mirror those reported by adult victims is especially striking in light of the fact that young children do not have access to the kind of printed information that might conceivably allow an older person to fabricate such experiences (Gould, 1987). Second, experiences of ritualistic abuse reported by victims of all ages are virtually identical to written historical accounts of Satan worship and the like (Hill & Goodwin, 1989; Russell, 1972), findings that substantiate our present-day understanding of Satanism and ritualistic abuse as intragenerational phenomenon. Third, the symptoms from which individuals reporting histories of ritualistic abuse tend to suffer are consistent with our current understanding of post-traumatic stress disorder and the dissociative disorders. The progression in which ritualistic abuse survivors respond to psychotherapy places these victims squarely within the category of individual who have suffered real-not imagined-trauma.
That is, when memories of the dissociated traumatic event have been fully surfaced into conscious awareness and re-associated in all their aspects, the often extremely debilitating symptoms from which the individual has suffered abate dramatically and over the course of treatment frequently disappear altogether (Ray & Reagor, 1991).
Comments on study: Shaffer and Cozolino (1992) interviewed 19 women and one man who reported types and aftereffects of ritualistic abuse consistent with those reported by Young et al. All subjects reported witnessing the murder of animals, infants, children and/or adults. All reported suicidal ideation and half reported suicide attempts. The majority reported severe and sadistic forms of abuse by multiple perpetrators. Some reported continued recontact/revictimization into their adult years.
As a result of the psychologically intolerable nature of their early childhood experiences, victims of ritual abuse frequently develop multiple personality disorder (MPD). Therapists who treat these victims often assume that all MPD stems from a system of spontaneously created defenses against overwhelming trauma. As a result, these therapists tend to focus on treating the post-traumatic stress elements of the disorder and on integrating alter personalities. Recent experience with victims of ritual abuse suggests the presence of “cult-created” multiplicity, in which the cult deliberately creates alter personalities to serve its purposes, often outside of the awareness of the victim’s host personality. Each cult-created alter is programmed to serve a particular cult function such as maintaining contact with the cult, reporting information to the cult, self-injuring if cult injunctions are broken, and disrupting the therapeutic process that could lead to the individual breaking free of the cult. A majority of ritual abuse victims in psychotherapy may maintain cult contact unbeknownst to either the host personality or the treating therapist.

Thats a lot to read so that is all I will add. Yes we are a product of Ritual abuse, a revelation that has taken quite a bit of time to digest. It is shocking but real. 

16 May, 2014

One hellish step closer to freedom!

Haven't been posting much lately as my other blog has had so much more of our attention. It has been hard to water life down so we can write it on hear. So much has been severe flashbacks of things we aren't even sure of HOW to write about. Its been 5 days since things hit the fan for mothers day. At 15 we were raped and became pregnant. We were not permitted to keep the baby and were forced to have an abortion. The insider that went through this, was mourning terribly the night before mothers day. It was not easy and she wanted so much to be able to have and hold your little angel. But she had no choice, there was no way she would be allowed to keep it. It was his and he held ALL the cards. They took it out by force and killed it there in front of her. Then mothers day hit with programs that were used on us and because we don't have our mother in our life now, we couldn't/wouldn't  follow through with them. 5 Days later we are slowly coming out of flashbacks, memories, exhaustion and anxiety. We have had to see our Therapist about getting some sedatives and sleeping tablets as it has been just too hard to go on.( we have never used sedatives before, but we were just that desperate) We have had trouble breathing, standing, focusing, and our body shook. In all of this, we have learnt about two special people inside and what they went through because of this programming and the evil sick minds that raised us. We will never be free but at least we will be one step closer the freedom.

04 May, 2014

Mended With Gold

In our time of healing let us hope we are being mended worth gold.