Preparing for the Merry season

Well it is not long now until Christmas, and while this time can be a really happy time it can also be very depressing for many people. For those of us with a family trauma history, Christmas can become a nightmare. It can be hard enough facing family you don't spend much time with throughout the year, but to add all the expectations of everyone getting on for a happy Christmas, and it can be a recipe for disaster. On the other hand perhaps you avoid family during this time. Sometimes that is wise, but it can leave us feeling even more alone and unloved.

Knowing all this, I think it is a good idea to prepare for the Christmas season before you get there.
 If you are choosing to spend time with the dreaded family, than maybe think about limiting the time there. Think of other places or things you need to do, especially if you have to make a quick escape. Have a code word or sign to signal to your partner that this is all getting too much and it is time for us to leave. Organise to only go when the people who trigger you the most wont be there. These are all strategies I have employed in the past, and have worked to one degree or another.
I have also invited a friend or two to spend Christmas with my family so there is someone safe with me to support me when I didn't have a partner. Just some one else to deflect conversations, or keep everyone on their best behaviour, can make a great difference to how you can handle the day.
If all of this is too hard, them maybe not spending time with the family is a better idea. You may find you enjoy the time alone, but for most of us, it can serve as a reminder of how stuffed our life really is. Spending Christmas depressed and miserable is not a good idea either. Perhaps it is an option to invite over friends who are also estranged from their families. Surround your self with fun and laughter and it will be much easier to deal with the lack of family. There is also the option of a street party if you have that kind of neighbourhood and others are around. If some one invites you to their Christmas lunch, take them up on the offer and spend some time with people who care about you.
Christmas can be a very hard time for many of us and self care is a high priority. Keeping up old favourites like journaling or blogging can also help. Skype or ring those you miss at this time, sometimes just hearing their voice can make all the difference. If you must spend this time alone, then plan fun activities to do during your day. Things you really enjoy, and treat yourself to something yummy for the day. But most of all please Remember that you are important, and you are worth taking care of. Just because you cant connect with those you love during this time, doesn't mean you are forgotten. I personally really appreciate EVERYONE who comes to read my blog, and I will be checking to see who has dropped in during Christmas. I hope things go well for you all and that we can all make this an enjoyable time.

Split personality

P!nk's Split personality is the closest song I have found that seems to relate to being Multiple. Thought I would share it.

We must be one.

As I delve deeper and deeper into the depths of my mind with my shrink, I realise how important it has been to survive . I have been seeing him for many weeks and I feel quite comfortable around him. We joke and have quite a good rapore. He sits in a chair that is a good safe distance away from me, and he NEVER makes any attempt to touch me in any way. These are all very good things. Slowly we are releasing more and more information about ourselves and the workings going one inside. But we now come to a hitch. 
For our entire lives we have had to work so hard to appear as one united person functioning seamlessly. We do not advertise our differences nor do we point out the changes we go through. It is of course survival, to act as one so that no one can ever know we are different. 

This however can be a problem when it comes to working on healing. We had an alter come out the other day who comes from very deep down in our system. We were in with our shrink. He kept asking questions of this Alter that they had no idea of how to answer because it was not their area. Now you may think that the easy explaination is the tell him that we are not who he thinks we are, and in theory it may be. But that would mean exposing our multiplicity. Dont get me wrong, this shrink knows we are many, but we have not really come out in such a forward way before. Although this alter was out, we still didnt want to let him know that he was talking to someone else. 
I realised that day that we dont, as a rule, let too many of our alters out too often. Even with my multiple friends, we let a few out for a short time, but we are still very protective of keeping up appearances that we are one.  
The need to be seen as one is so very very strong, even infront of a person who has experience and knowledge in dealing with people who are multiples. We have shut up shop a bit today and I feel like we are going into a semi hiding place for a while, to help us not to feel too exposed. I expect for the next few days we will be functioning very much as one person just to bring us back into a sense of security. It may take a while for us to feel safe enough to open up to him and let him see who we really are. It is a very big step. No one gets in here. That how we are safe. This is our world and only we can enter. The trust levels must be very high to let some one in, and I am not sure I have ever trusted anyone that much before. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have someone who knows what it is like inside me.