The last few days have been long and hard, as a matter of fact the last few weeks have had their moments. We are doing well with the separation, only having an occasional moment here and there where someone inside mourns for what has been lost. It is hard to let it all go. We invest so much of who we are into a relationship and it takes so much to keep it going. We expect the return on the investment to be at least equal if not more.
Now ex-hubby "B" came over today and we chatted again about how things have ended. He recently got in contact with an old friend he knew before I came along. I guess in hopes of possibly hooking up again. While we have no intention of getting back with him, and there is not real desire for him there, it still hit hard. I have spent most of today trying to process why it hit us so hard. We do not want B back, and we are happy to keep it as friends. We have truly moved on, so why cant he move on too. It took us most of the day to come to the truth about it all. Yes, there is a level of which we still wish he would sit and pine for us as some proof that we meant something to him at all. The more he aches, the more we meant to him, and the greater his realisation of his loss. But still there was more. If he moves on and makes it work with some one else, then it leaves us feeling as if we cannot make things work. Our first husband left us for another woman, and although he was a total dick and it was better that he left, he has now made it work with her. They have been together now for 15years. Our second husband ( and yes that still hurts.. to many ex husbands) is a nice man who can be fun to hang out with, but has a few issues that got in the way of our marriage. If he now goes on to make a relationship work, then does that just make us to one guys marry before they find the right woman and make it work. Like the movie.."Good Luck Chuck". We put in all the hard work yet never get the return. It feels some times like we are destined for disaster. Like every relationship is just hard work that one day will fall apart for our ex partner to get into a relationship that works. Sometimes it feels like this constant fight to get through each day is just too much and love and loss only make it worse.
Forgive me I don't mean to be all melancholy and depressin, but I guess break ups have their affect on everyone, including everyone in a DID system. I wish him all the best...just miss me a little bit so I know that you care.
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