Life goes on as usual, I am achieving things and getting on with life. Slowly my Alters are introducing themselves. I feel like life is progressing, I have a great bunch of people around me for support and I feel like I am part of something good.
But underneath there is an undertow of self hatred. I have had enough of being me, of living my life. I don't want to do it any more. I hate myself. I don't want to be this way. I hate the brokenness I feel. I don't like that days are such a challenge. Some days I just want to spend the day in bed and hide from everyone. I am angry that this has happened to me. I want to be able to go to those who have hurt me, and hurt them back. To make them pay, to make it so they know what they have done.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu7QvOQKcKk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTTjLxXFg0k&feature=related
They haunt my life, they have too much affect over my life. Some days it just gets too much. I live this way because of them. some days it is just to hard to smile.
But on the outside you would never know.
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