Its funny you know, I had naively thought that as I take the time off work this year to help me process what has and is happening to me, and that I would be able to really dedicate time to me. Don't get me wrong, I have had a lot more time for me and my self care. But life doesn't stop for you to get better. We have 5 boys, only 3 of them live with us. They are teenagers, and as you may be aware it is not an easy time, for them or us. We have had a hard year with one of the boys in particular and I was just starting to feel like the trouble had passed and we were on our way....silly me. I will not go into details but it seems I must put my work on the back burner.
I guess this is the ultimate advantage to DID is that by the very nature of the disorder we are strong and able to cope with a lot. But I am also tired. Tired of the fight. Tired of dealing with the nasty side of life. Tired of fighting every day. Its not easy living with DID. One wrong move and I can end up in an anxiety attack and voices in my head telling me how useless I am. Sleep is a constant struggle to get, and I feel like I am a drain on my family and friends.
I know I will get through this, and I will fight to the death for my son.
But I just wish I didn't have to. I just wish that for the smallest while it would be easy. Just for now.
I'm sorry to hear that Hope, sounds very stressful. It's not fair that so much mess ends up on our plates to manage! Take it slowly and be really nice to yourself. People are here for you. :) x
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