What has happend to me?

In my last post this question stuck out to me. What happened to me?
I would like to live in the world that says it was not that bad and that most of the people around me obviously treated me well. I would like to believe that my childhood, while far from good, was nothing so severe I had to forget. I would like to think a lot of things about then...but I cant.

Just by the fact that my mind needed to split to survive says there were many things that happened back then that I can not make light of. At least one person in my life had such a negative affect in my life that I needed/need to escape in a major way, and to top it off, those who I needed to be there for me, weren't.
What happened back there? I want to know, but I don't. My alters say I am not ready to know yet. Are they right or is it just protection, something they were designed to do from their birth.
Imagine being lost in a mind that doesn't make sense and you don't understand. In its attempt to protect you it feels like it is driving you mad.
One day at a time people say, but sometimes that one day can take so long, especially when you know you are nowhere near the end of getting to the bottom of this, and the worst is yet to come.
I am tired, every day , I am tired.