Purpose

It s been so long since I have been on here. Life is so busy. About 8 months ago Mr 16's girlfriend came to live with us. Miss 15 ( as she was then) was kicked out of an abusive home and needed somewhere to stay. After unsuccessfully trying to find her other housing options we decided she could stay with us. It has been a crazy few months. Adding another member to our household has changed many things. We have moved house ( something we were planning to do anyway but really had to with an extra person in the small house) so glad we did we are much happier in this house. Because Miss 15 had been though so much with her family we quickly got her into counselling. It wasn't too long before it was reveled she is multiple too. Now 16, she is a part of our family. We spend a lot of time driving her to appointments and school, and yes she does need more of our time, but most of all there is a change in us. Before she came we had pretty much decided that our boys really didn't need or want us in their lives that much and we were often feeling pretty down and even suicidal. Once Miss 16 moved in we realized she needed us too much for us to leave. She has already lost 2 family members to suicide, we just couldn't do that to her. We had to keep fighting. Unexpectedly though it has made us more content having someone to mother and to care for in this way. We feel needed again. Its busy and stressful, and at times we struggle to get time for ourselves but at the end of the day we have a purpose again.
Having 2 multiples in the house is always interesting, complicated and at times frustrating. Mr 16 copes amazingly well but Mr 21 is not. He is talking of moving out at the end of the year.
Life feels overwhelming most of the time and I am sure we deal with more things in a week than most people would even be able to think about. Some weeks it is just head down bum up and keep going.
But we are still here, and still alive and I guess some days that is enough. I hope you are all doing ok. We miss keeping up with how many of you are reading our blog and we are sorry for the break. We will do our best to keep it up. If you have any questions or things you would like us to talk about please feel free to send them in. Take care.

Can Someone Help Me

Can someone help me? I am feeling at a loss. Life is overwhelming me. Daily i see the pain of others, daily i watch some walking on the edge of the cliff totally unaware of what is about to happen to them. Their safety is about to be shattered and there seems nothing i cab do but to watch them take that step. I despair at my own situation and the past i have known, it is chasing me into the present. I am weary from crying but more than anything i feel so alone in all of this. There is to much pain in this life. I don't know how to continue this was. It hurts.

Feeling Hopeless

When does this insanity end, when will we really be free. Today, no the last few days, just seem too hard. We cant keep going like this. Our stomach is in knots, we cant sleep, and we are constantly worried. All this is triggering us back into our own past. I feel like we are sinking, and I am really not sure we want to fight to get out. It feels too hopeless, like no matter how hard we fight we will get pulled back.

He has found you again. It is time to run.