Happy Birthday Bridges

On Friday the 27th of July we celebrated Bridges first birthday. We had decided on a Mad hatters tea party. We wore hats and brought some awesome food to share. One of the highlights of day was the amazing cake made by one of our members.
A full foot high and with rainbow cake inside, it was on of the biggest cakes i have ever seen or eaten. One slice sent our sugar levels through the roof for a few hours.
After Bridges we headed to Sarah's house for a campfire and baked spuds. Although it was very cold, we didn't get much rain, and enjoyed having the chance to meet new people in a casual setting. All in all I think a good time was had by all. I have also included a photo  or 2 of the mad hatter hat I made to wear.
The last year has gone by so quickly but the group has achieved so much. We have our regular core members and several who pop in when they can.
I recently became a co-facillitator for Bridges, which has been quite a challenge, but I am enjoying it. So far my biggest struggle has been getting there in time.
Sarah has so many things planned for the group and for the future of the Dissociative Initiative. It is exciting to be a part of such a grass roots initiative.
If you are in Adelaide in a Friday and suffer with Dissociation, please come along. It would be great to see you. Details for meetings are on the top right site if the screen under BRIDGES AND ECHOES.

Recovery

My fathers operation went well and apparently he is recovering well. The test results will take a bit to get back so as yet we do not know if he needs Chemotherapy.
It has been an interesting few days for us as we have considered the possibility of his death. It would be the loss of hope. There is still within us the very faint hope that one day he will realize what he has done and what he is doing, and things will be OK. When he dies that hope is gone, and we face the fact that ANOTHER person wasn't there for us, and could never love us the way we needed.
What bugs me most is that when I was a very little girl, I was a Daddy's girl, he was my favourite. He had the most potential to save me from what I endured..except for one thing, he couldn't get his head out of his own life to see the mess around me. His desperation to succeed in business was greater than his desire to be there for me. Things haven't changed. But deep down the hope still lives. For now.

Compassion

I am not sure where I was discussing this, it may have been Bridges but I think it was with my Psychologist. We were discussing my relationship with my Father, and how I/we feel compassion for him, but we cannot let that sway us into restarting the relationship with him as it is dangerous for us.
I/we struggle with this as it seems a cruel thing to do to a person who may be dying. Surely the compassionate thing to do would be to forget the past and just be there for him. Self sacrifice, if you like, after all he doesn't have much time left so we wont have to do it forever.
As a survivor of abuse and trauma, it is my natural reaction to sacrifice what I need and want for some one else. (it may not be that way for other survivors but for me it is). Their needs come before mine, because I am, in essence, not important and or expendable.
I have been on a long journey learning that I do have the right to have my needs met and some of my wants too. That my safety IS important and I DO NOT have to put myself in a situation that I consider dangerous. The term SELF COMPASSION came up in the conversation the other day. How often do we show compassion to our selves? Most of the time we are much harder on ourselves than others. We criticize our actions, thoughts and every thing we say.

I saw this picture on Facebook today and didn't think it was one worth keeping until I went back and applied it all to myself. Showing self compassion. Forgiving and forgetting my own past sins. It is an expression of love in all its fullness....hmmm. Do we really love ourselves enough to show us compassion.







Sometimes doing what is right for someone else can be very wrong for us, and we do it any way.
 It is OK to say no to someone.
 It is OK to put our needs first.
It is more than OK to want to protect and love the person inside us.
Self Compassion starts with us.