Yesterday was spent trying to get my Tax sorted out, I was hoping that after my appointment with my tax agent I could sit back and relax and wait for the refund to come rolling in. Hmmmm, that was just foolishness. I now have even more stuff to look for in order to get my tax done than before and the process is going to take even longer than I expected. Grrrr.
I have finished my shoes! What do you think?I was very nervous about the part where I had to put them in the oven to set the paint. I was imagining melted rubber and flames. It was only for 2 mins and I watched to clock very carefully to make sure I didn's leave it too long. Dissociating at this point could have turned out very bad.
I do need to clean the oven, what a mess!...there was a bit of smoke and I had to open the front and back doors of the house to let it all out.
Because the oven must be so hot, I put tea towels on the oven shelves so as to not melt the base of the shoes. My oven is not the best and tends to burn everything we cook on the bottom and still have the top of the food partially uncooked. I had forgotten this when I put the shoes in and didn't raise the level of the shelves to compensate. When I got the shoes out and had left them on the sink to cool I found that the tea towels hadn't feared so well. I had to toss them out. Turns out they were 100% cotton and could have burnt quite easily.
As I have been saying in my posts, I have been very stable lately, and I was starting to do the whole, "maybe I don't really have DID thing". Forgetting of course all the stuff that has happened over the years and focusing on the last few days/weeks.
Yesterday brought me back to reality. After seeing my tax agent, I felt quite unstable and by the end of the day I wasn't coping anywhere near as well as I thought I would. After a small afternoon nap I felt a bit better, but I had definitely lost the thoughts of not having DID.
Before bed I thought I better get to my journal. There was quite a bit I wanted to say and even had one of my alters decide he wanted to have a go at writing. An interesting idea given he is not very old and right handed where I am left handed. It was good though, he would write something and I was able (in time) to reply. It gave us a small moment of communication. Such a special thing and what I long for so much. To know what the others are feeling and to be able to help and talk to them if I can is amazing.
Later I got into bed laying next to my husband, and that small voice said to me "is that Grandpa?" I replied, "No that's Hope's Husband" He was happy with that answer and that was the end of our chat.
I did not sleep well though and there were obviously others who were restless as well. I ended up sleeping in my son's bed (he's not home at the moment) There are many times, as I may have mentioned on here before, when particular alters don't like to be in the same bed as my husband. Especially my teenage alters, so I will not be able to get comfortable and have to move to the couch or spare bed. I guess after all the stress of yesterday there are a few more alters who have things they want to say. I must try to spend some more time today with my journal.
