this week has been quite a week for me. I met two wonderfully helpful people in a chat room on a website I am a member of. They are both alters (not the core or original person) of two different bodies. Not only did I find it fascinating to talk to them I also got to ask them some questions about how DID works for them. In one of the bodies, the alters wait in a room behind the eyes. They can see what is happening, and there is a door that they can go through to come forward and be in control.
I asked them how I could get to know my alters, They suggested Journaling. So I gave it a try and to my surprise it worked, but not quite how I was expecting. One of my Alters gave me a flashback of some of what had happened to me, and in it I saw my abuser.
This is the first time I knew who it was. The shock was devastating and I lost the rest of the day to tears, vacant stares, shaking and general disbelief. After a good chat to Elaine I felt a lot better but some how life will never be the same. I know who did this to me and he was a close family friend. someone I respected and looked up to and someone who I still bump into occasionally. Elaine says I have a long road ahead of me yet and much more work to do. but for now I know who did this and I know I am on the road to healing.
By the way I also met another one of my Alters on the weekend....her name is Elizabeth and she is 5, her favourite colour is red, and she doesn't like tuna, mayo and corn sandwiches.
Welcome to the system.
24 May, 2011
20 May, 2011
Forum post
I am a member of a site for survivors of traumatic childhoods, there are a lot of people on there with DID. There is a section for members to post poems and things they have written. This poem was posted and I love the way it is written. I have posted it on here to remind me that my alters are here to help me and have helped save my life. I am grateful.
Don't Cry, Angel
Don't cry, Angel,
We are ever near.
We hold the pain you feel inside.
We know you're full of fear.
But listen to me, little one,
Hear the words I say.
After the darkest, blackest night
Always comes the day.
Together we can get through this.
Hand-in-hand we will survive.
Don't look at us as monsters.
We are what kept you alive.
18 May, 2011
Thats not me!
I was out to dinner with a friend the other day and I was telling her about having DID when I remembered this little fun fact which I thought I would share on here. I am co-conscious with my alters and sometimes I don't register that they are forward until something like this happens, because I am so used to then being there I don't really take much notice.
It is not uncommon to walk onto the bathroom and look onto the mirror and be shocked to see the face that is looking back at me. No, not because I am looking particularly unsightly that day. But because I am expecting to see someone else. Once I realize that it is the correct reflection and that is how the body really looks I feel the alter switch back and I return to being 'me'. it is a strange feeling to expect to see someone else in the mirror than who you think you are. The alter is taller, thinner, and has dark curly hair. Her face is shaped differently too. She seems more confident than 'me'. And no sooner do I realize she is there and she is gone. I would love to know her name. In a way is like having friends but never really getting to talk to them and see them.
I have been struggling with Anxiety a lot lately. One of my Alters is particularly bad on worrying about stuff and it is easy for me to get into an anxiety attack. Sometimes it is quite debilitating and I can lose a whole day because I feel so bad. Unfortunately anxiety is a common disorder that accompanies DID, along with depression. I guess there is so much hidden inside us that the body really doesn't know how to cope, and has trouble keeping an even plain.
At least now I am getting help and learning techniques to deal with it as best I can.
I just want to say Thanks to my friends and family who have been so accepting of my condition. It is always nice to know I don't have to hide myself and people will still accept me. It makes the journey so much easier. Thank you again. :)
It is not uncommon to walk onto the bathroom and look onto the mirror and be shocked to see the face that is looking back at me. No, not because I am looking particularly unsightly that day. But because I am expecting to see someone else. Once I realize that it is the correct reflection and that is how the body really looks I feel the alter switch back and I return to being 'me'. it is a strange feeling to expect to see someone else in the mirror than who you think you are. The alter is taller, thinner, and has dark curly hair. Her face is shaped differently too. She seems more confident than 'me'. And no sooner do I realize she is there and she is gone. I would love to know her name. In a way is like having friends but never really getting to talk to them and see them.
I have been struggling with Anxiety a lot lately. One of my Alters is particularly bad on worrying about stuff and it is easy for me to get into an anxiety attack. Sometimes it is quite debilitating and I can lose a whole day because I feel so bad. Unfortunately anxiety is a common disorder that accompanies DID, along with depression. I guess there is so much hidden inside us that the body really doesn't know how to cope, and has trouble keeping an even plain.
At least now I am getting help and learning techniques to deal with it as best I can.
I just want to say Thanks to my friends and family who have been so accepting of my condition. It is always nice to know I don't have to hide myself and people will still accept me. It makes the journey so much easier. Thank you again. :)
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