Distressed Alters.

Sorry we haven't been on for a while, especially after the last few posts. We had a friend ring us after he saw them, to see if we were ok. It was very sweet. What we didn't get to tell him, was that in the years that he has known us, we have felt this way thousands of times. He has just never realised before. Distress like that comes from an alter or two who feel very upset. Generally though, the next day we have switched to someone who does not feel that level of distress, and all seems ok again and life goes on. It is a cycle we have been doing as far back as we can remember. Yes the distress is real, and the pain is very real, but it generally only lasts for a time, and then less distressed alters take over.

Screaming (triggering)

Are we to damaged to live this life, too broken to be healed. Will we see beyond this future. Is there truly hope of a new day or is it merely today disguised as a new beginning. We are screaming inside but can anyone hear us. They only see our smile and believe it is the truth. We are dying, can we be saved? Is it worth the effort or do we just give up now. Screaming hear me, save me, want me, LOVE ME! Are we worthy of love, truly worthy? What have we done that life deals us this hand. Who did we curse? I wish our eyes would close and we wouldn't have to face the world again. Screaming so loud. When does it pass?

Wild Horses.

I've been feeling this a lot the last 2 days. The need to be free of my DID, of the confusion and complications its brings. To run/live with out a care of the horrors of this life. Its hard and I get tired of the fight. Some days we just have to wonder if it is worth it all, I know that if it wasn't for my kids it would be a decision I could and would consider more closely. I cant leave then with the legacy of a suicidal parent. I don't want to do any more damage than I already have. For them alone we will keep going but some days it just seems so hard to live, and fight and be. To not be broken and hurt.