In or out

How do you choose? The people in the world around you, or the ones who are have always been with you and kept you alive through unimaginable horror. We all get so connected to people in our lives, we fall in love, we share our lives and we decide who we want to share those lives with. But what happens when we are multiple and those on the inside do not get along with those on the outside. How do you choose? It may seen easy, just don't have them out when the person is there, but DID is never that easy. Decisions like this are going on every day...they are just hard.

Leaving it all behind?

One of the things I find hardest about having DID and a trauma history, is that people forget that we cant leave it behind. There are so many ways for  people to say leave the past in the past. And I agree that has merit. There are times when things should be left in the past, issues do not have to be carried on for years But I feel that unfortunately having DID and the trauma that caused it cannot always be left in the past. I will not get up tomorrow morning and get on with my day and forget the trauma. Every time there is a voice in my head, a switch, and argument over what to wear or eat, a head ache from too much switching, any of the thousands of little signs of DID, I am reminded why I am this way and that everyday if a fight to survive. It is not easy and I find it so exhausting. The constant energy it takes to sort out what is going on in my head and deal with the emotions that flow at will, the flashbacks that take a fun situation into trauma again. The head aches, the alters who just want to bitch all day about what a terrible job I am doing. Having to climb over that just to get out of bed in the morning and then keep on top of it throughout the day and go on as if I am a normal person living in a world I created. My trauma is with me EVERY day. There are just some parts I CANNOT leave behind and I don't know i ever will. Who I am has been transformed by what happened to me. I will never be the same and every day is a fight to survive. But yes we keep going, because that is what we know.

ill

Iknow I havbent been post ing much lately, I have been quite ill. I have had a nasty dose of tincillitis and then just as I recovered from that my son caught a virus which he proceeded to share with me. It has been just over 2 weeks of not being at my normal selves. I thought I would post today a video my girlfriend made for me. Hope you like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0w-BOsij5G4