Dissociation

I wanted to add a personal note to the post on the 31/8/11 from Sarah.
13/14years ago my first husband left me for another woman. 4 days later I found out I was 5 months pregnant with our second son. The next few months/years were some of the hardest of my life, especially in regards to my DID. ( although I was not diagnosed at that time )
One of the things I did not really notice until a few years later was the loss of my sense of smell. Obviously in order to deal with all the stresses of that time I lived most of my life at least partially dissociated.
My sons are now 18 and 13, and over the last few years as my life as improved immensely. I have learned so much about my condition, and my sense of smell has started to return. It is spring here in Australia and I am for the first time in years able to smell the fresh cut grass. Such a wonderful smell. I have also noticed that my sense of touch is improving. Not so much a problem in my hands but my face. My exfoliating cream I have been using for months now actually seems abrasive, I can feel my husbands arm and jumper fabric when I rest my head on it to watch TV. It is like coming alive again after a hibernation.
I guess ultimately it is a sign that I am in a much better place in my life, and that is good.

At Bridges they keep saying there is HOPE for people with DID and at times when you are dealing with the trauma and hurt it can be hard to see. But I can see now that my life will go on and there is much I can do. I see and feel the HOPE. I hope you can too.

Update

Hi everyone,
You may have noticed some small changes to my site. I have added some book recommendations. There is so much information out there and I am hoping to be able to share that which I have found helpful.
On a personal level, I resigned from my part time job a few weeks ago and will be finishing there next week. I have decided to take some time to heal. Financially we can afford for me to be off for a few months and I am hoping to be able to spend more time reading up about DID and journaling and generally doing some of the things I enjoy. Hopefully allowing me more time to deal with my past.
I haven't done much lately as I have been very stable and haven't changed much at all for the last 4 weeks. I have hardly dissociated and am getting heaps done around home. I think this is mostly because I am avoiding dealing with some of the more intense memories. On the home front my husband has been working hard at his full time job and the part time business we run. I think I am also trying to remain helpful and stable to him so as to not leave him with another mess to have to deal with in a day. On top of all that life is good at the moment. I will be glad to not have to deal with the pressure and problems at work.
One of the many mysteries of DID is the fact that for periods of time we can be stable. Not change, live what may seem a normal life. It can be very strange. It is often a time when I doubt my diagnosis as the symptoms don't seem relevant. When I go back and reread all the posts on here and the other things I have written I remember that it is all real and in time I will return to the confused and seemingly lost state I was in. Hopefully a little wiser than before.
With the weekly Bridges meetings (Dissociative disorders support group)  I am attending I am finding myself feeling supported and not alone. I know others with the condition and I can chat to them and learn from their experiences. It can be a difficult time as I can dissociate and switch during our meetings but having the support is worth so much that I cant imagine not having it.

We are holding and information forum on Dissociative Identity Disorder on Friday 23rd September 2011 in Adelaide. This is for people with the disorder and friends and family who wish to learn more. Speakers will explain the disorder and share from some of their personal experiences with DID. Very informative.
If you wish to attend please let me know. 

I am feeling very positive this week and i hope that you are the same. 

From Sarah

I have included this week a piece from the blog of a friend of mine, from whom I am learning heaps. (Bridges is a support group we attend weekly for people with Dissociative disorders, including DID) 


 In Bridges last week we shared the incredible experience of surfacing from chronic sensory dissociation. Sometimes people experience short episodes of dissociation, lasting hours to days. Some of us experience chronic dissociation that can last for years, sometimes punctuated by little episodes of reconnecting. When this happens, it is a very precious experience and important to make time to treasure. I've experienced chronic dissociation where for months my sight has been dim, colours seem dark and dull to me, my hearing is poor, my taste and smell are dulled, and my skin doesn't perceive touch clearly. Everything is dulled, far away, darkened. It feels like being a zombie, alive but dead.

Coming back to life, even if it's only brief, is glorious. To taste, smell, or feel things clearly, sharply, is intense. Being numbed by dissociation can be like walking about muffled in a huge overcoat. Taking this off and feeling the breeze on your skin, the sunlight, the smell of gum trees or grass, is an intense and sensual experience. Chronic dissociation can leave you raw, like feet kept in shoes all winter long, they are tender when you first walk barefoot in the spring. If you experience chronic dissociation, treasure any moments it subsides. Take time to touch life, to breathe it in, to remind yourself what it feels like to be alive. These are the memories that keep us going when our world goes dark again. This is what we are fighting for.
Sarah Reece: Holding my childhood to ransom. 


In case you are interested Sarah is also an accomplished artist and some of her work is displayed on her site.