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Hello to every one who reads my Blog. Thank you for taking the time. This is a long hard journey for me and I often feel lost and alone in the process. DID is different for everyone and some days it is difficult to even get through he day. This is especially the case when there are voices going around your head making comment on what you do and say. I know the  last week has been particularly difficult. My psychologist has decided to get a second opinion and is getting me referred to a Psychiatrist. This makes me very nervous. I have never seen a Psychiatrist before and it is always difficult to open up to a new person and to build trust. I have known my psychologist for some time so I already had a level of trust with her.
Please feel free to comment on my posts or to ask questions if you have them.
One day at a time...that's the best I can do.
I have attached a section of a post someone else posted on a mental health forum that i found. It actually describes what I go through very well.

There is a child in me, and when I do things like go to an amusement park with my own children the child comes over me and is there. I'm still there too, but I'm not 'driving the car anymore' if you know what I mean, it's like I'm a passenger in my body and someone else is making it move. It's right there, and the kids call me mom, I still am mom, but I'm not a mother- I'm a child. I laugh too much, I run too much, I bounce up and down in excitement (I'm 32 years old btw) and other adults in the area look at me as I'm nuts. I'm me, but I'm not me- I'm a different me that's so not me, it's a complete child, and I'm not like that all the time (sometimes, but it has to be stimulated to happen)

But they are not 'alters' (I don't think) because I can still stay lucid (powerless and an observer mind you) while these things are happening. The other pieces are in control of me (the car I say) but I'm only a passenger in my mind, and the vessel (car) in which they maneuver/drive.


Later in the forum others comment on what this person has written and many say that it sounds like them too and that they really are "Alters" but she just has Co consciousness with them. This is a mind field of questions and answers here.
For me, she has hit the nail on the head. It is like someone takes over driving my body and I am the passenger for a while. It maybe triggered by many things and the switches can be very quick and i will often forget what i was about to do when they change, but generally I am conscious and aware that someone else is in charge of my body and behaving a certain way.
It is a strange feeling to know you are behaving in a manner that is not "you" but to not be able to change it.

Stress

We all know that stress isn't good for us, but what is it like for someone with DID? Stress in its many forms makes life harder for us. Too much stress and the alters become restless and can come out more. Even something as relatively low in stress like starting an art class as I did this week is enough for the alters to get a bit upset. They were fine when I was concentrating on the sketching I was doing but by the time I got home it was a jumble of noises in my head. Change is a hard one for DID people especially if it is something they are all not prepared for. i.e. not all the alters want to do it or are ready to do it. Too much pressure and we don't know what to do or how to handled it and we usually have one of the alters take over and deal with it.
I have included a short film which shows what life can be like for someone with DID. sometimes it is very over whelming. One the outside we look so normal but on the inside there is so much going on.

INSiDE short film