Relationships are hard for everyone but they are even more difficult for people with DID. We grew up learning about abuse not love. Multiples often have a very distorted view of what love is, they never got taught what it is. Especially if you are talking about high end multiples who have survived ritual abuse. The whole idea is to keep the child away from a loving relationship so they only ever learn to trust those who should never be trusted.
That need for love is one of our basic necessities of life, and most will do their best to find it in any way they can, even if it turns out to not be love at all. We have struggled to hold down many relationships long term. Just the fact that there are so many of us makes it hard. We strike up a friendship with someone and then in a few weeks/months we are a different group of people who just want to be left alone and don't want to be around these new people.
In many cases survivors have left abusive families for their safety. This can lead to great freedom and healing, but it can also lead to great loneliness. Some days I feel like this is a cursed life. We will never really be understood or understand.
Christmas is coming and while everyone is getting excited, we dread that day when we are reminded that we have no family and why we have no family. I hate it.
It really does feel like a cursed life, 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. We don't ever seem to get ahead.
It shakes my faith. Some of us will always believe and have faith but for many we are in doubt of the goodness out there, how can God exist yet we feel so very alone and without even his support.
No comments:
Post a Comment