The last post was a bit of a mess for which I apologise. I have been without a computer for a few days and have been trying to post on my tablet, with only partial success. But the computer is back to operation mode now, so off we go.
It has been a rough couple of weeks from a Multiple perspective. Home and family are running pretty well, with no major complaints, but that doesn't mean inside is functioning well. We have had nearly 2 weeks of almost constant arguing and complaining coming from inside. Everything I do, say and wear is wrong. If something goes wrong on the outside then it is always our fault and the nagging voices begin in earnest. It is impossible to have my own thoughts and feelings without them being hijacked by someone else in my brain. There is no peace.
Advice from a friend to tell them to stop, both in calm and angered tones seems to have done nothing but get them more riled up. By lunch time yesterday I was openly yelling at them (in my car) that I had had enough and I don't want to be a multiple any more. I have had enough of the arguing and fighting and everything being my fault. I want to get out of here, I want time alone from everyone inside of here. I want to just spend a day without everyone around me.
But of course that is not possible. We can not get out of the confines of the brain. We are always together, and we share so many of our thoughts and actions. It is something that gets so annoying. No private thoughts, not private moments when you can just think something through without someone commenting. Not having consistency in the day of who is going to be out, who will be next and will we remember the stuff we need to remember or will I be back out in two or three weeks and no one has done any of the things that needed to be done. It seems so futile to even wish for all these things, and I get so angry. But there is no where to run. No where to get away from everyone inside my head. No safe place to hide.